Where on Earth can I find Heaven?

I have been thinking a lot about heaven lately.

The last time someone really close to me died was when I was 12 years old. My Grandmother treated me like something truly special. When I was around her, I felt pretty and smart and funny...

She was sick for several years before she died. We were lucky enough to have her come and live with my family for her last few years. I only knew her as older and a bit slower, but she was witty and quick as a whip intellectually. After school I would sit by her side as she would help me with my homework, particularly my vocabulary words. I would often use her as my personal dictionary as I filled in my vocabulary definitions. She was brilliant.

She loved the Gospel with all her heart. It was everything in her life and her testimony shined through in all she did.

She could make friends with anyone, and I mean ANYONE!! As a child I often remember her exchanging phone numbers with newly met friends in the grocery store. One of my favorite stories is the time we went to visit her in the hospital and there were 3 teenagers already there. As they left we questioned her as to who they were. "Well, they called my hospital room as a prank and we just got talking. Now they are my friends"

That was so typically my grandmother.

When she left this life it was easiest for me to imagine her the way I knew her here. I could see her catching up with her family- her daughter and son that had preceeded her in death, her mother and father that died only a month after her birth... there was certainly lots of catching up to do. I could also see her watching over us. In fact, when a thought of her popped into my head out of the blue I have always believed she was giving me a kiss on the forehead just to say "I love you". It happens all the time.

I guess that's where I developed my ideas of the after-life. It budded as I was a child and blossomed into my adulthood... nothing seemed to alter it.

Until the death of our sweet friend Karma.

Over the last 2 weeks I've reflected a lot about what she was doing and what it was like to be on the other side of the veil. I could fully imagine a joyous reunion with her husband and a lively chat with her parents and sister... even distant relatives. But then I could imagine Karma looking around and saying, "OK, now what do I get to do?"

She is a doer... and sitting around talking for the next couple hundred years would not sit well with this go-getter.

My imagination, I'm sure, has gotten the best of me... but it seemed as though the heavens have opened up in my mind and life on the other side is quite similar to life here on earth.

Those that were doers here are doers there. Those that chose not to get involved- well, that is their prerogative.

I could imagine Karma signing up for the "Planting Wild Flowers in the Meadows Committee" or perhaps "Assisting Mothers in Medical Emergencies Committee."

Don't think for a moment I'm discounting Heavenly Father's involvement in such tasks, but it just seems to make sense that we would have the ability to use our greatest talents to help others from the other side. HE would allow us that honor.

Then my thoughts turned to my sweet grandmother. I suddenly had no doubt that she was on the other side sharing her testimony of our Savior with anyone that doubted. I could also see her on the "Befriend the Friendless Committee". She would be so good at that. That would bring her such joy.

I'm sure there are lots of committees... such as help paint the sunset committee, comfort weary mothers committee, conductor of the song birds committee, help find lost keys committee... the list is endless.

So...

Where on earth can I find heaven?

I believe it's all around us.

Just close your eyes and feel it in your heart.

A hole in our heart

Today there is a hole in our heart.

Patrick received a text on his phone this morning just after 7. "Erin," he whispered in a tender tone, waking me up, "Karma died this morning." Tears instantly began to flow as he took me into his arms. I still had a headache from crying the night before.

My tears are completely selfish.

Karma was 85 years old and grew up during the Great Depression. She was a nurse during World War 2 and loved to help people. She met the love of her life, married and had 7 children. She was an incredible mother, grandmother, great-grandmother and friend.

Karma's husband died almost 2 years ago. She missed him terribly, but she was not one to sit around. She mowed her own grass and had the most beautiful yard in the neighborhood. She LOVES planting flowers and during the warmer months we could always find her outside "playing" in the dirt.

She is one in a million.

I'm not quite sure how it happened but a couple years ago we adopted her as our own. We love her and she loves us. Every Sunday we sit by her at church. She was always there before us, wearing an adorable outfit, matching jewelry, perfect makeup and hair.

She was a true lady.

One Sunday my little 5 year old friend, Chloe, came to sit next to us during church. "Where is your husband?" Chloe asked Karma innocently. "Oh, he died and is in heaven... (short pause) well at least I hope he's in heaven." She could always make us smile.

She was completely healthy up to the very end. She was at church last Sunday. She called me on Monday and we had a lovely conversation. It was not until Monday night that she began having incredible pain in her stomach. When she agreed to go to the ER, her son knew it was bad. She was admitted to the hospital early Tuesday morning with pancreatitis and by Wednesday morning she was gone. She would have it no other way.

But still- I wish I could have one more conversation with her. I wish I could tell her how much she means to us. I wish I could hug her tight and thank her for being such an example to me in so many ways.

She is a woman of faith. She is a woman of intergrity. She is amazing.

This Sunday she will not be waiting for us to join her on "our" row and I know I will shed a tear.

I will watch her tulips grow over then next couple months and tears will continue to flow.

But I will smile as I think of her dancing with her husband and planting flowers in heaven to her heart's content.

Our hearts are incredibly heavy, but we are thankful for the absolute knowledge that we will have the chance to one day hug our sweet friend and tell her how much we love her.

Goodbye our friend. Until we meet again.